My Malibu mansion is a lovely place (such a lovely place).
It is kept safe by a crack security detail made up entirely of bikini-clad 'suicide' girls armed with tasers and Dobermann Pinschers. It's the last place Mischa Barton was seen before being checked into a mental hospital for "observation." It's where Lindsay Lohan comes to relax and do her drugs in peace. "True Blood" has filmed at least one orgy scene in the backyard. Belladonna christened the pool with a massive squirt. Ashley Dupree works out of the pool house around the first of the month like clockwork. Julie Night serves as my personal assistant/fluffer. And believe you me, she earns her money. Stevie Hart did all of the murals throughout the place. D'Angelo is secretly recording his comeback album in the basement studio. Kanye West has been barred from the premises until further notice. Prince got scared off by what he called 'scary death-sex vibes," while Marilyn Manson refuses to take no for an answer. The only people with keys are myself and Kate Hudson (she's a good friend, pays most of the monthly mortgage and is always up for a quick fuck when she's around).
I really need to spend more time there. It's such a lovely place (such a lovely place).
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