Friday, July 17, 2009

Stoned like dem white boys

I had the best fucking idea tonight.

I swear it’s like Will Farrell in that scene in “Old School” during the debate.

The one where he like blacks out and suddenly just knows all of this shit. Then he snaps out of it and he’s back to his regular doltish self.

That’s just what it’s like.

I went to my 7-11 and in honor off xTx, procured a man-size bottle of Newcastle Nut Brown Ale. I’m drinking that sexy bitch right now.

I love the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” Watching it right now.

“This ain’t the breakfast buffet!”

Made a low-key run to the border. Crunchy taco ‘al fresco.’

“Give me dirty crime scene girl.”

Watching this movie, I realize that one of the things I like about Sex Bomb is that she reminds of a grown-up, hyper-sexual drunk and drugged out version of Mila Kunis. Damn, that’s one hell of a description. But hey, if I’m lying…

I live on a street in Los Angeles where so many of my life decisions are determined by parking. And that shit ain’t right. There are only so many places to park on the street around my house. There are a shitload of cars trying to park in them.

Just going to 7-11 and Toxic Hell (which took all of 20 minutes) I still ended up having to battle an SUV for me spot.

How fucked up is it that PARKING determines my moves at night. The college me would be calling me WEAK right now.

Fuck that shit. I’m slamming a big-ass Newcastle and knocking back a couple of tacos. I’m in college shape, bitches. I did a vodka shot earlier. I’ve got these youngsters. They can’t get down like this. I learned from the masters.

"You need to penetrate deeply and stimulate the clitoris."

It’s 1:11—make a wish.

"You've got Christ between your thighs--only with a shorter beard."

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