Malibu dream house

My Malibu mansion is a lovely place (such a lovely place).

It is kept safe by a crack security detail made up entirely of bikini-clad 'suicide' girls armed with tasers and Dobermann Pinschers. It's the last place Mischa Barton was seen before being checked into a mental hospital for "observation." It's where Lindsay Lohan comes to relax and do her drugs in peace. "True Blood" has filmed at least one orgy scene in the backyard. Belladonna christened the pool with a massive squirt. Ashley Dupree works out of the pool house around the first of the month like clockwork. Julie Night serves as my personal assistant/fluffer. And believe you me, she earns her money. Stevie Hart did all of the murals throughout the place. D'Angelo is secretly recording his comeback album in the basement studio. Kanye West has been barred from the premises until further notice. Prince got scared off by what he called 'scary death-sex vibes," while Marilyn Manson refuses to take no for an answer. The only people with keys are myself and Kate Hudson (she's a good friend, pays most of the monthly mortgage and is always up for a quick fuck when she's around).

I really need to spend more time there. It's such a lovely place (such a lovely place).

Bukkake Monday

Man, that was a long one.

On the way home I called one of my marijuana dealers. He brought me an eighth of Bubba Kush that is sooo delicious. Got really stoned and took a quick nap.

Woke up, did some lines and dialed up Eskimo Tube. Found a bunch of nasty clips from "The Bang Van" series that really did the trick. Great group footage in a moving RV, with filthy girls sucking down beers and cocks. It was an incredibly relaxing bit of masturbation.

Julie Night is one down and dirty fuck-pig that gets me off. Her scene in "Bakers Dozen #2" with Missy Monroe and some other cock-sucker sucking off a whole bunch of dicks is a really hottt scene.

More "Bakers Dozen" heat, this time starring UK slut Alicia Rhodes.

But holy shit this slattern Melissa Julianna is amaaaazing. She sucks the cum out of well over a dozen dicks, each time spitting the mouthful into a cup. She made me cum in a major way.

Where can I find a whore like that?

Ex-gf called tonight. We made a date for the weekend. Over the course of the convo I found a way to piss her off. I always do. It's so fucking annoying. Whatever happened to women that aren't so g-d touchy? It's probably why we're not together anymore. It's like every little thing is so serious and offends her. Lame.

I think she kind of gets off on it. I remember we were having this one argument about sex. Somewhere in there she mentioned that if she wanted to get off she could always have sex with someone that doesn't like her very much. How fucked up is that? Maybe she wants me to be more abusive. The times when I would really pound her always seemed to really excite her.

I guess we'll find out this weekend.