Showing posts with label ex-girlfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ex-girlfriend. Show all posts

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I call it the Murph


OK, maybe it’s not exactly Murphy’s Law. But it’s definitely on some fucked up shit.

Check it. The girl dumps my sorry ass for real. Totally stonewalls me at every turn, regardless. Lose my job and have a sibling die. Still nothing.

I go through all of the random stages of grief. I do a shitload of drugs and jerk off like a crazy bastard to insane amounts of porn. The usual shit.

FYI: I’m watching this movie He’s Just Not That Into You for the first time, and at this point I want to shoot Scarlett Johansson’s character with a very big gun.

Anyway.

When I finally go through all of the stages of rejection or whatever, I had this weird little moment yesterday. I realized that I was good with it. She had moved on and I was part of her past. I was moooooving the fuck on, too. We were dunzo. Fin.

Later on that same day. That same fucking day. A text message. She has some free time between now and date in early January. And if I wanted to get together for coffee, she would be cool with that.

Hm. Really now. Isn’t that...interesting.

Yeah, there’s definitely something murphyesque about that one.

PS: Jennifer Anniston’s character in this movie can fuck right off. Ben Affleck needs to start fucking whatever he wants immediately.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Almost...


Today was a really good day.

Ended up asleep on my couch by 8P.

Went out to dinner with the ex. It was cool.

When she got home she asked me why I didn't invite her inside.

Honestly, I feel like it's just not quite seasoned yet. Tonight was not that night. I mean it's coming, but this just wasn't it.

Ended up blowing a few lines and drinking on some vodka.

Did some trolling on Craigslist. I found a big black chick that's giving blowjobs in a hotel off the Imperial Highway for $50. I'm still kind of considering checking her out, but I not gonna.

I also checked back in with another whore I found on CL a few months ago and never hooked up with. She sucks cock for $40 and is based pretty close to where I live. She's still down for the program, which is always good to know.

There's a special thrill that comes from paying for sexytime services. Not that I'm an expert, mind you.

I think I just like knowing that the option is there.

Man, my tolerance for blow is getting pretty high. I go through the party powder even faster than grass these days.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The kindness of strangers

I’m so fucking drunk right now I can’t even tell you. Jesus. Endless glasses of top-shelf bourbon have knocked me right on my ass. That’s what I get for borrowing xTx’s pants before a night out.

Tonight should have been completely fucked. I pissed a particular girl off to no end. She basically told me to fuck off and leave her alone. I crossed the line and she wasn’t having any of it.

I found myself at a bar in L.A. Well, Culver City if we’re being technical. I sat down and ordered a beer. A kind of cute babe with really curly hair started talking to me. If she wasn’t with a guy she referred to as her boyfriend, I would’ve sworn she was hitting on me. I think her boyfriend would wholeheartedly agree with that estimation.

Her and I talked about work and Michael Jackson and cocaine. She was most interesting. If she wasn’t with a man I would have absolutely tried to hook up with her.

When I finally let it be known that I was having issues with a woman, she was all ears. She listened intently to my tale of woe, and how I completely fucked things up with a girl tonight.

She asked me if I’d like her help. I said of course. She said give me your phone. I gave her my phone. She typed the most basic, straightforward message to the girl and pressed send.

Trust me she said. Not three minutes later, my phone buzzed in response. The girl would come meet me at the bar.

I looked at my new friend with a newfound respect. Now I REALLY wanted to make out with her.

The girl showed up. She was happy to see me. We made out and I grabbed her boobs under her dress (no bra—hello).

We made out in her car for a while. Then she had to leave.

Call me, she said with a wink before speeding off.

I stumbled drunkenly to my car. Once inside, I did a big bump of coke for the ride home.

Now I’m here.

And all I want to do is fuck the living daylights out of my new curly-haired friend. Or at least lick her pussy until she comes a couple of times. It’s the least I can do.

Friday nights are the shit. I need to take advantage of them more than I do.

OK, time to smoke a bowl, jerk off to something hot and naaaaasty and go to sleep.

It’s the weekend, y’all. Hells to the yeah.

Oh shit—and Anna Paquin is on Jimmy Fallon tonight. Bring it on, baby. Bring that shit on.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Bitches be snitchin


Like the Beatles, I should have known better with a girl like you. I used to think we were cool like that. But you’re too young to even know who Digable Planets are, so I guess it’s my own g-d fault.

Sure, it was inevitable that word would get around about what went down between a particular lady and myself. But you really didn’t need to hasten shit with by flapping your fucking trap.

It’s not like I still don’t want to fuck you. I always have and still do. You’ve confided in me just how nasty you like to get in bed (and other places hehehe), so I know exactly what’s going on in the dirty mind of yours. You’d probably never give me that sweet wetness that lurks between your burnished thighs out of some deluded sense of “friendship” or “loyalty,” and that’s too bad. Cuz with that thick ass and those big bouncing titties you’ve got going on up top, I’d be inspired to pull out all the stops to get you offfff. Hard. Now I get to augment that with a side order of grudge-fuck. Now everybody wins. And what happened to “I won’t say nothing to nobody?” Boo to you.

But until then, I’ve got some other ideas. For one, I’m going to fuck the stuffing out of that particular lady tomorrow night. We’re gonna go out, have a bunch of drinks. She’ll get drunk enough to suggest that we skip dinner and go back to my place. She’ll be all tired from another long week at work, so I’ll whip out the blow for a quick pick-me-up. And we both know what happens when she starts blowing lines--other things start getting blown with a quickness.

I’m predicting that not only will I be getting some of that ass tomorrow night, but there will be a nice doggystyled quickie on Saturday morn before she goes off on her merry way.

I wonder how long until THAT lil bit of information starts making the rounds.

I’ll be extra horny, as tonight’s proposed tryst with an out-of-left-field wildcard has been postponed until Monday.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Bukkake Monday


Man, that was a long one.

On the way home I called one of my marijuana dealers. He brought me an eighth of Bubba Kush that is sooo delicious. Got really stoned and took a quick nap.

Woke up, did some lines and dialed up Eskimo Tube. Found a bunch of nasty clips from "The Bang Van" series that really did the trick. Great group footage in a moving RV, with filthy girls sucking down beers and cocks. It was an incredibly relaxing bit of masturbation.

Julie Night is one down and dirty fuck-pig that gets me off. Her scene in "Bakers Dozen #2" with Missy Monroe and some other cock-sucker sucking off a whole bunch of dicks is a really hottt scene.

More "Bakers Dozen" heat, this time starring UK slut Alicia Rhodes.

But holy shit this slattern Melissa Julianna is amaaaazing. She sucks the cum out of well over a dozen dicks, each time spitting the mouthful into a cup. She made me cum in a major way.

Where can I find a whore like that?

Ex-gf called tonight. We made a date for the weekend. Over the course of the convo I found a way to piss her off. I always do. It's so fucking annoying. Whatever happened to women that aren't so g-d touchy? It's probably why we're not together anymore. It's like every little thing is so serious and offends her. Lame.

I think she kind of gets off on it. I remember we were having this one argument about sex. Somewhere in there she mentioned that if she wanted to get off she could always have sex with someone that doesn't like her very much. How fucked up is that? Maybe she wants me to be more abusive. The times when I would really pound her always seemed to really excite her.

I guess we'll find out this weekend.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Boomerang


Is it me or does this happen to everybody? I'm starting to think that it does. Couples break up, but soon find themselves fucking again. Maybe they don't want to bother with finding somebody else, or they're unable to make it happen, or whatever. Women have told me they do it because it's comfortable, and they don't feel like a slut for fucking the guy they used to fuck.

"Why add to that number?" One such lady told me in confidence.

I don't think there's a girl I've seriously dated that I haven't been able to go back and fuck at least one more time. And it's about to happen again.

My now-ex—the one that dumped me recently—has been totally sniffing around again all of a sudden. I think her Spidey sense is on high alert now. I'm convinced that guys appear hotter to women when other women find them hot.

Today she's really been pushy with me. Finally she came out and said it—she wants me to fuck her asap.

Who am I to say no? It would just be uncivilized.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Unfucked


Dr. Drew has got my number.

OK, I’m far too old to be listening to the good doc on the “Loveline” radio show, but whenever I find myself in the car between the hours of 10PM-midnight, I can’t resist tuning in and listening to the kiddies talk about the dirty dirty.

But every once in a while, that damn Dr. Drew will just nail me. Like last night.

A girl called in and asked about her fixation on extremely rough sex. Of course, Drew got her to admit lots of childhood molestation and serious abandonment issues.

The guest was Andrew WK, who actually piped in with a sensible question for Drew: Would indulging in these sexual activities, would the caller be able to ‘work out’ some of her issues with them? Drew bummed me out by saying oh hell no.

The way Drew sees it, indulging in such sexual compulsions doesn’t help the psyche work through them, but actually cements them even deeper into the subconscious. Oh, great.

He went on to encourage the caller to basically reset her sexuality with a long period of abstinence followed by getting involved in close relationships minus the sex. In essence, getting comfortable with being close to someone without having to have them give it to you up the butt while choking you out, that sort of thing. On this point, I have to call bullshit on the good doctor.

That was pretty much my M.O. with my last girlfriend. I was going to really get to know this girl, become her friend, and not just reduce her to a sex object. Guess what happened? We ended becoming such good friends that the sex eventually just… went away. And neither of us said much about it.

By the time we did address the issues, it was already too late to salvage things. I had un-fucked my way out of a relationship.

It’s almost laughable to me. Me, the raging sex addict that has to cum at least twice a day, lost a girl for not fucking her enough. Now that’s just rich. It doesn’t help that she’s the most together woman I’ve ever been with. She’s got her proverbial shit together and is doing good things with her life. Meanwhile, I’m blowing lines, following porn stars on Twitter and jerking of to xTx’s blog.

Ah, good for the ex-girlfriend for getting the hell out while the getting was good. I mean, I’m sure we’re not done done. Not quite yet, anyway. She’s definitely left the door open for me. I just have to get my act together and fly right. And oh yeah, she’s also trolling for a proposal—which is the real reason we’re no longer together, if I’m being honest.

She’s ready to make that move and I’m just not. Typical. But when you’re contemplating ringing up the Moolight Bunny Ranch in Reno for a session with Jordan Soprano, it’s kind of obvious that marriage is not exactly a priority for me right now…

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

She has the best ass ever


When times were good with her, they were really good. We had lots of really hot, fun sex that I'll always remember fondly.

There were nights when we'd do e and really go for it. Again, memories I'll cherish forever.

Even the nights we got naked, blew lines and played dirty. Those were kind of the best.

Thanks for the memories, miss thing. Maybe--just maybe--our paths will cross again...

(needless to say, this photo set was the source of tonight's cum shot).