Breakfast of Champions*

I really want to fuck Kristina Rose

Cuz she's just so glamorous.

Deep thoughts

I wonder what porn stars think about while they're prepping their anuses with a thorough enema before an anal scene? Hmmmm...

dreaming is free

Feelin' Veronique

Veronique Vega has really been doing it for me lately. Damn she's fine.

Roger that

Look, you can lick my asshole all day. Shove your tongue deep in my sphincter and toss that salad like you work at the Olive Garden. I’ll love every minute of it.

But know that my asshole will be squeaky clean. It will smell faintly of soap, if anything other than washed skin. Because I am not down with anything scat. It’s just nasty. We are the clean people. CleanCleanClean. Everything smells nice and feels supple. That’s just how we roll. Pussy juice? You betcha. Sperm? All day baby. Believe that.

Otherwise, we keep it so fresh and so clean. No STDs of any kind, ever. And we’re keeping it that way. Join our club, sexy.

I am the perfect amount of drunk right now. I had what, four cocktails? And not just any garden variety, industry standard jack and coke bullshit. I’m talking about the finest fucking cocktails Los Angeles has to offer. You don’t even know, mother fucker.

OK, shit. It’s late, I’m drunk and there’s a TV commercial for Absolut vodka that uses a faithful cover of New Order’s “Ceremony” as the music. I love that song so much. The original, anyway. Do I feel all self-righteous and superior to the cover version in the commercial? Nah. It reminds me of how awesome the original is, and I’m gonna dial it up in my iTunes right now. Mission accomplished.

You need to listen to Digable Planets. The album is called “Blowout Comb.” It’s on my list of the 50 greatest albums ever recorded. They talk about “Creamy Spies.” Creamy spies are real, OK? They just are.

My friend wants to start a porn star fantasy camp. I think it’s a great idea. I already know the girls I’d recruit for it: Julie Night, Hillary Scott, Vanessa Lan, Tera Lynn Fox, Lisa Sparxxx, Aaralyn Barra, Julia Bond, Lisa Marie, Whitney Stevens, Whitney’s sister Britney Stevens and Missy Monroe are just some of the first slatterns I would contact to be a part of it.

And being one of the event organizers, I’d be able to do all sorts of disgusting things with these professional whores, which is the whole point. Suck it, bitch. That’s right, take the whole thing down your throat and just hold it there while tears run down your face. Lick my balls while you’re at it, whore. Yeah, like that.

My perfect girl? Today, Amanda Blank. She’s sweet, tender and knows how to get nasty when it’s time to get nasty. And that long, lean body with the fat pussy and bubble booty? On a white girl? I’d marry that girl tomorrow, treat her like the queen she is and fuck her like the whore she knows how to be.

Even though it’s after midnight, I said fuck it and did a bump of coke. Life is short. Blow me. No, really. Blow me.

Stevie Hart leaves porn. My cock is sad

Damn it, bitch. I was just getting into your filthy little ass. Thanks for the cum shots.

My life as Prince

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to people you think would find this interesting (including me). You can’t use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think.

Pick Your Artist
Prince

Are you a male or female?
Baby I'm A Star

Describe yourself:
Dirty Mind

How do you feel:
Free

Describe where you currently live:
Erotic City

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Around the World in a Day

Your favorite form of transportation:
Little Red Corvette

Your best friend is:
Anna Stesia

Your favorite color is:
Computer Blue

What’s the weather like:
Sometimes it Snows in April

Favorite time of the day:
When We're Dancing Close and Slow

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Scandalous

What is life to you:
Life Can Be So Nice

Your relationships:
Gotta Broken Heart Again

Your fear:
Condition of the Heart

What is the best advice you have to give:
Dance On

If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Annie Christian

Thought for the Day:
It's Gonna Be a Beautiful Night

How I would like to die:
Take Me With U

My soul’s present condition:
Soft & Wet

My Motto:
Partyup

Baby got a new hairdo

My sweet baby Bree Olsen went and got her hair did.

Looking good, baby girl. That I want to fuck like a dog over the railing of the balcony in a cheap motel room in Southfield, MI.

I want to bring Tanner Mayes home and take care of her

I mean, when you read something like this, how else are you supposed to feel?

Sasha is the best kind of nasty

Totally jerking off to this right now. But THIS is what's really fucking me up. Slut was made for cocaine.

Treats

A big pile of ridiculously delicious Sesame Shrimp. Soooo fucking good.

Bubba Kush and a freshly cleaned glass piece. See above.

High-grade cocaine. Yes, please and thank you.

Amazingly filthy video clips of professional whores like Julia Bond, Eva Angelina and Stevie Hart (oh, that Stevie Hart!). Fucking priceless, baby.

It's been a good Wednesday night.

Bukkake Monday

Man, that was a long one.

On the way home I called one of my marijuana dealers. He brought me an eighth of Bubba Kush that is sooo delicious. Got really stoned and took a quick nap.

Woke up, did some lines and dialed up Eskimo Tube. Found a bunch of nasty clips from "The Bang Van" series that really did the trick. Great group footage in a moving RV, with filthy girls sucking down beers and cocks. It was an incredibly relaxing bit of masturbation.

Julie Night is one down and dirty fuck-pig that gets me off. Her scene in "Bakers Dozen #2" with Missy Monroe and some other cock-sucker sucking off a whole bunch of dicks is a really hottt scene.

More "Bakers Dozen" heat, this time starring UK slut Alicia Rhodes.

But holy shit this slattern Melissa Julianna is amaaaazing. She sucks the cum out of well over a dozen dicks, each time spitting the mouthful into a cup. She made me cum in a major way.

Where can I find a whore like that?

Ex-gf called tonight. We made a date for the weekend. Over the course of the convo I found a way to piss her off. I always do. It's so fucking annoying. Whatever happened to women that aren't so g-d touchy? It's probably why we're not together anymore. It's like every little thing is so serious and offends her. Lame.

I think she kind of gets off on it. I remember we were having this one argument about sex. Somewhere in there she mentioned that if she wanted to get off she could always have sex with someone that doesn't like her very much. How fucked up is that? Maybe she wants me to be more abusive. The times when I would really pound her always seemed to really excite her.

I guess we'll find out this weekend.

Natalia Rossi

Ah, that's better.

Asa Akira by Van Styles

Porn's next big thing is so hot my cock is crying tears of joy

OK this is what I am fucking talking about. FUCK.

Amazing new pics of Stevie Hart

Stevie Hart is the Number One Queen Helene 2009 Porn Superstar of my cum-stained dreams.

Baby Sinead has an incredibly hot new photo set of Ms. Hart in all of her smoldering glory.

Go, look, masturbate. Enjoy.

UPDATE: I just downloaded Stevie's red-hot new Bang Bros scene with Shorty Mac, chopped out a few lines, and went to town. Thanks Stevie--that shit was hot!

But like you said, "That's what that pussy does."

Word.

Hard fest

A couple of new DVDs arrived in the post today.

So far it’s all about “Rocco Super Moto Hard.”

I’ve only given it a cursory review, but fuck me is it hot. Rocco knows how to party.

It’s based around some kind of motorcycle race. There are a ton of girls (18 it says on the box cover) and lots of red-hot group action.

There’s one scene where a guy takes this brunette into the back of a van and basically uses her to masturbate. She sucks his cock, he licks her pussy and ass from behind before spitting on her face a couple of times, slapping her with his dick and then shooting an endless load all over her face and in her mouth. (I love the spitting stuff. I never understood why. But a woman can spit in my mouth anytime. Fucking hotttt). It’s a short scene, but fucking memorable. Even better another brunette slut comes and licks a lot of the cum right off of her face.

I love the idea of having a real-live Fleshlight. I want someone that will cater to my every whim, and in return I’ll do the same for her. Cuz sometimes you just want to bend someone over the side of a couch and just ream her hard until you spew deep inside her yummy warmth.

Or just get naked with you, lube up her hand and stand next to you while she jerks you off real quick in the bathroom before going to work. I’d happily do whatever nasty quickie shit she would want.

I miss those kinds of random hook-ups (even with a steady girlfriend). Long, drawn out ‘love making’ is all good, and I’m down for that too. But baby, sometimes I just want you to make me cum hard and fast. Sometimes.

Word of the week: Slattern

It was used to hilarious effect in an episode of "True Blood" this season.

slattern

2 entries found.

1. ¹slattern (noun)
2. ²slattern (adjective)

Main Entry:

¹slat·tern

Pronunciation:

\ˈsla-tərn\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

probably from German schlottern to hang loosely, slouch; akin to Dutch slodderen to hang loosely, slodder slut

Date:

circa 1639

: an untidy slovenly woman ; also : slut, prostitute

Stunt-cocking

"Stunt cock for hire"

This would be perfect for me.

I’ve been watching more gonzo/amateur porn flicks, and keep noticing the abundance of stunt cocks. Countless dudes that are just there in the scene as penis life-support systems, totally anonymous. You never see their faces. Like in blowjob and handjob scenes. And lots of these dudes are a real mess. All sloppy and hairy and shit. Many even have below-average cocks.

I’m sure any porn slag would be excited to see a guy like me as her stunt cock on a bj shoot. Nice, clean, well groomed, and a nice thick shlong. I’ve got to get to work on getting in on that action. Van Nuys is just over the hill. I wouldn’t mind making the trip if I knew I was gonna get naked and have some hot porn slattern drain my balls. Google, here I come.

PS: This cocaine is craaaaaazy. Wooo. I don't know what else is in there, but got-damn. Just a half a line and I'm all twisted the fuck out.