My gay neighbor

I’ve talked about this dude before. Really interesting. He definitely reminds me of Lafayette from “True Blood.” In a very real way, though. He’s all tall and effeminate, but I’ve already seen this guy go bloody diva on the front lawn with some ex-bf mid-break-up. Like crazy time.

I’m not sure what this guy does for a living. For a minute I thought he was a dealer of some sort, but I don’t think that’s the case. I don’t fucking know.

Anyway, dude has found himself a new boy-toy. I know this because his bedroom is right against mine. And for the past couple of nights, “Lafayette” and his new friend have been engaging in some hardcore and very vocal butt-fucking.

Last night someone’s anal cavity was getting a serious pounding. The bed was banging against the wall in rapid-fire succession for an inordinate amount of time at one point (are they over snorting tweek and fucking?). 


But then this morning---ohhh shit! It was like they were taking turns literally fucking the shit out of each other. Lots of high-pitched squealing “Give it to me there!” and “Come on! COME ON!”

I was cracking up. It was fascinating, really. I’m not mad, though. It sounds like they are having one hell of a good time over there. And you can’t front on that.

Happily, a very hot mama is coming over here tomorrow night. I don’t “know” what’s gonna happen, but it will be interesting to hear what things are sounding like around here deep into the night…

It’s all “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” But not really.

violence, nudity, profanity---really good !!!

My sister is hilarious. She is much older than I am.

Like, old enough to be my mom older.

But that's how we roll around here.

Plus my dad was among the five most fertile humans of all-time. That guy could get a woman pregnant just by thinking about fucking her.

So my sister is now old enough to be in something of an assisted-living situation.

She's one of the most social people you'll ever meet, so it kind of makes sense.

Sis sent me an email today. It's pretty classic. She talks about her new living situation, and how she's gone about improving it:

Next month Im going to be a dj and play music two

saturdays out of the month.
Im calling it " Back down Memory Lane" --music of the

decades.You know I have a good collection of music and Im making some more tapes.

I have music from the fifties until the present and Im taking requests that I will try to acc-

omodate. Im looking forward to it. Maybe I can get these old folks up and dancing and

having a good time. I also hope to have a few refreshments and that it all works out cool.

I belong to Netflix and I love it. I pay less than 10 dollars a month and see about 2 to 3

movies a week plus you can watch some on the computer. I looked at Cadillac Records

last night and it was better than anticipated. The 50's music was nice and Beyonce was

better than I thought she would be , too.

I just been chillin over here. My neighbor and I sit on our balconies and drink wine and

smoke weed and listen to music. She is pretty cool. Im still a night owl and stay up most

nights rather late and talk to my buddy Ben and my friend Etta. They both still work

security on midnights and I looked at alot of cable. Im watching two series that are

really good. Have you seen True Blood on hbo ?? Its pretty good. They have violence,

nudity, profanity---really good !!!

I especially love that at her age, she's still smoking weed, DJing and watching crazy shit on TV like "True Blood."

But like I said, that's how we roll.

The kindness of strangers

I’m so fucking drunk right now I can’t even tell you. Jesus. Endless glasses of top-shelf bourbon have knocked me right on my ass. That’s what I get for borrowing xTx’s pants before a night out.

Tonight should have been completely fucked. I pissed a particular girl off to no end. She basically told me to fuck off and leave her alone. I crossed the line and she wasn’t having any of it.

I found myself at a bar in L.A. Well, Culver City if we’re being technical. I sat down and ordered a beer. A kind of cute babe with really curly hair started talking to me. If she wasn’t with a guy she referred to as her boyfriend, I would’ve sworn she was hitting on me. I think her boyfriend would wholeheartedly agree with that estimation.

Her and I talked about work and Michael Jackson and cocaine. She was most interesting. If she wasn’t with a man I would have absolutely tried to hook up with her.

When I finally let it be known that I was having issues with a woman, she was all ears. She listened intently to my tale of woe, and how I completely fucked things up with a girl tonight.

She asked me if I’d like her help. I said of course. She said give me your phone. I gave her my phone. She typed the most basic, straightforward message to the girl and pressed send.

Trust me she said. Not three minutes later, my phone buzzed in response. The girl would come meet me at the bar.

I looked at my new friend with a newfound respect. Now I REALLY wanted to make out with her.

The girl showed up. She was happy to see me. We made out and I grabbed her boobs under her dress (no bra—hello).

We made out in her car for a while. Then she had to leave.

Call me, she said with a wink before speeding off.

I stumbled drunkenly to my car. Once inside, I did a big bump of coke for the ride home.

Now I’m here.

And all I want to do is fuck the living daylights out of my new curly-haired friend. Or at least lick her pussy until she comes a couple of times. It’s the least I can do.

Friday nights are the shit. I need to take advantage of them more than I do.

OK, time to smoke a bowl, jerk off to something hot and naaaaasty and go to sleep.

It’s the weekend, y’all. Hells to the yeah.

Oh shit—and Anna Paquin is on Jimmy Fallon tonight. Bring it on, baby. Bring that shit on.

I know what girls like

Day: Long, arduous but ultimately rewarding. Not sure what it is, but I’m on a serious roll at work. Busting my ass and it’s paying off. Me old papa would be so shocked/proud right now. But whatever, I always worked hard. He just had issue with the fact that I played as hard as I worked, and it took him close to 60 years to adopt a similar outlook on life.

Came home, got naked and smoked a bowl.

Everyone needs to spend more time naked. I can't exactly explain what it is, but you develop a certain comfort and confidence from getting to know just what God and/or genetics gave you. I’ve learned all sorts of interesting things about mine, that’s for sure. I’m discovering that I’m working with something pretty special over here. We all are. It’s nice getting know just what is it that makes YOU special and golden.

Three different women told me that they liked my shirt today. There is very little in the world that makes me happier than a compliment from a woman. Three times. Best shirt ever, obvs.

Contemplate washing dishes. Laugh at the notion. Smoke another bowl. Drink water.

I want to buy a bike this summer. Like a cool mountain bike. Any recommendations? I’m not trying to spend more than a couple hundred bucks. I wonder if I can get anything good in that range.


They opened the first Sonic fast-food joint in New Jersey recently. People got so excited they lined up for miles in their cars along the freeway just to indulge in the vaunted value menu that Sonic has to offer. Things got so chaotic that a man hit a police officer with his car and dragged him down the road when the cop told him he would have to drive away and come again another day. This is all true, by the way. Like everything that I write. Why are people getting so violent over a fucking Sonic? Inquiring minds need to know what the fuck is up with that.

Doing a line of cocaine right now.

I knew it

There is something very weird in the air today. Something that feels completely different and unknown, like that fucked-up creature that attacked Sookie on “True Blood” last week.

I woke up all weird. Felt totally out of sorts with my body. Not liking what I see in the mirror. That would be the Ben & Jerry’s showing it’s leering face.

Ironed my shirt twice and it’s still totally wrinkled. This is one of those days. So I did a couple of lines before I left for work.

Doing blow at work is rare. I’ve done it when I needed to power through a pile of projects, and I’ve done it when I was just bored. Today I did it to get over a particularly rough patch of self-loathing and out the door. It worked.

I brought more blow with me to work. I don’t know why. I did some in the bathroom about an hour ago. More than anything, it makes the time just kind of melt away.

Then I read xTx and see that this madness is indeed going around today. Fuck.

I’m sort of stressing about Saturday. I hate these social holidays when there’s no one to spend them with. And this year, there’s no one. The one person I might’ve been able to hook up with has to work. What’s worse, I have a couple of fun things to do. I just won’t do them alone.

I’ve opted against the WET pool party, for a few reasons. There’s a pretty sweet celebrity party that I could go to, but I would feel like an ass going alone. Fuckfuckfuck.

(UPDATE/Photo credit: This picture was quite brazenly hijacked from the site "I Shoot Porn." Thankfully, dude didn't get too harsh with me for it. So thanks for that. Anyway, the site is fucking awesome and should be viewed early and often).

Word of the week: Slattern

It was used to hilarious effect in an episode of "True Blood" this season.

slattern

2 entries found.

1. ¹slattern (noun)
2. ²slattern (adjective)

Main Entry:

¹slat·tern

Pronunciation:

\ˈsla-tərn\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

probably from German schlottern to hang loosely, slouch; akin to Dutch slodderen to hang loosely, slodder slut

Date:

circa 1639

: an untidy slovenly woman ; also : slut, prostitute

I wanna fuck Sookie Stackhouse

Actually, I want to fuck Anna Paquin. That is one hot little bitch! She looks so good on "True Blood," and she's not afraid to get naked and nasty. The sex scene in the first episode of the second season is hot as fuck! She shows her flat tummy, delicious titties and even a little bit of an ass. Oh man, I would work this little piece over so good.