I want to go to there. And live. Forever

Karen Alloy is stunning

Just fucking WOW. Her nipples are straight from my wildest fantasies. I mean SERIOUSLY? Fuck me. Please.

Hot Hot Sex

Back in Jr high school, I knew this girl. Her biggest sexual fantasy was rough sex with David Bowie. This was back when we all thought he was gay.

"It gets me so hot to imagine that I'm the one girl that can turn him on like that," she would purr, turning ME on in the process. Another story.

I have a similar feeling towards Joan Jett. Back when I was around 13, I discovered her via my older brother's record collection. He used to have this set-up where he could steal dozens of albums for a local record store. He would grab just about anything. Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" ended up in the pile one day.

I guess I was just at that impressionable age, but FUCK ME was Joan Jett the sexiest woman I'd ever laid eyes on. All I wanted was a butch chick with that haircut and a leather jacket and studded...everything. Shit, that's STILL all I really want. I want to be the one guy that can turn Joan Jett on so much that she begs me to fuck her--hard.

I want to be the ONE man that gets to fuck Joan Jett. Like the guy that she would fly out on tour at a moment's notice because she wouldn't be able to really rock out unless I bang her from the back out behind the VIP port-a-potties. I would be her dirty dog-boy. Complete with a studded black leather collar. Sometimes, she'd drag me around the apartment on a leash when she's had a little too much tequila and gets extra-aggressive. Those would be my favorite nights.

Naked girls and cocaine

Two of my favorite things

I like Zach Venice photography

neon angels on the road to ruin

We like dancing and we look divine.

What really happened: Epilogue

So what’s it all about?

Good question.

Who knows?

We’re older, if not necessarily wiser. Where she was once completely uninhibited, miss thing is now kind of repressed. Now I’m the one with the raging libido and sense of adventure? What a difference a kid (not to mention a few years) makes.

I think the rock band Boston had it right with the title of their second album: Don’t Look Back. There’s just no future in it.

What really happened, Pt 2

By the time we got out of her parent’s house, it was off to the city. There wasn’t much of a plan, other than dinner and drinks. Downtown was super-busy. We finally score parking and walk around looking for a place to eat dinner. We finally settle on a place and go in.

This is where she totally bugs out. All of a sudden she goes from kind of freaked-out new mom hanging out with a guy for the first time since the kid’s birth to classic bitchy girl on a date. She doesn’t like the place. She orders the most complicated drink possible, and then complains when she doesn’t like it. Then she orders a bunch of food. Cool, whatever. When the bill comes, she just looks at me. That’s when I realize that she’s expecting me to pay for the whole thing. OK, wait a minute. I fly up here on the pretense that we’re going to be doing some fucking. Instead, you’ve just been sort of weird and distant, other than getting incredibly stoned and telling me all sorts of intimate details about how much you hate your life. Fuck me running.

We get out of the restaurant, and she decides that she wants to see a midnight movie. So we go. It’s already pretty late, and we have to pick up her daughter before embarking on the ride home (which is a little more than an hour). Sigh. We watch about 20 minutes of the movie before leaving. Oh, and we smoke a bunch of weed at the movies.

We pick up her kid and head back to her place. By now the tension between us is palpable. But I’m maintaining my composure. I’ve already checked out. I just paid way too much money for dinner. I just wasted an entire weekend on this woman. My plane leaves in the AM. I’ll just suck it up and ride it out.

I’m actually happy to get back to her place. I start hitting the bong in earnest. We watch some bullshit on TV before we both crash out. Me: the couch. Her: the bed.

Weirdest moment of the weekend: On Sunday morning while we’re getting ready for the trip to the airport: I was in the kitchen, checking emails on my computer when I looked up to see her, completely naked, standing in her bedroom. It was just a moment. But there she was. She hadn’t lied when she said this was the heaviest she’d ever been. Still, I was attracted to her. All I could see was the body that let me do all of those deliciously nasty things to it. Once upon a time, anyway.

And just like that, she turned away and closed the towel. I just shook my head. Story of my life.

What really happened

It has been a week. I think that’s long enough to fully comprehend just what the fuck happened last weekend.

My trip to visit the Marijuana MILF did not go according to plan. At all.

It started out fine. She picked me up from the airport. We drove about 45 minutes back to her area. We picked up her daughter from daycare on the way to her house.

We get back to the house. She plays with the kid for a while. We go inside so the kid can eat. That’s when we go into the basement and she introduces me to the bong, a huge glass number. Next to the bong was about an ounce of homegrown marijuana. We would go through it and a lot more before the weekend was over.

The vibe was slightly weird, but nothing unexpected. It was kind of an odd situation, and would take some getting used to. Whatever.

But it didn’t. She just got weirder. Thursday night we just smoked a ton of weed . When we were getting tired, she informed me that her daughter had passed on her bed, so I’d have to sleep on the couch. OK, cool. I would go on to sleep on that couch for the rest of my stay.

Friday was more of the same. Dropped the kid off at daycare. Came back to the house and smoked a bunch of pot and talked. The conversations got kind of heavy. Life is so different for both of us since our days of fucking and fighting almost five years ago now.

Friday night was more strangeness. I sat with her while she watched almost an entire season of America’s Next Top Model. We got really, really high.

Saturday was “date night.” Fuck me. What a disaster. First I go with her to drop her kid off with her parents. The parents? Not so much. I mean, they were fine. But there is a lot of drama between this girl and her mom. So yeah, things were kind of tense.

Forced exposure

24 Hours

So. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be in an entirely different city. I’ll have gotten up (kinda) early, gone to the airport and taken a very quick flight to get there. She’s picking me up when I land, and then driving the hour or so back to her house.

It’s a very nice house. At least that’s how it looks in pictures. It’s deep in the middle of nowhere out in the woods. What makes this house especially nice is that she always keeps it stocked with copious amounts of only the finest marijuana imaginable. Like, that craaaaazy good shit that knocks you straight on your ass after one good bong rip. And I do mean copious; she keeps enough so that she can cook with it as much as she smokes it. She’s famous for her cupcakes. She promises me that she plans on making lots of cupcakes while I’m there.

I’ll be there from Thursday afternoon until Sunday morning. I don’t think we ever spent that much time together uninterrupted back when we were actively dating. Ha. But a lot has changed since those days, which are almost five years ago now. Huh. Times flies, kids. Trust me.

The biggest difference is that she’s now a bona fide MILF. As I’ve mentioned before, m’lady is now a mom.

I met her daughter once. Suuuper cute kid. Really mellow. But how could she not be, with such a legendary stoner for a mama?

All of which adds up to her, her daughter and me in a big house with a lot of weed and not a whole lot to do. There is wireless though. Color me excited.

In addition to being one of the few women I’ve ever known that smokes as much bud as I do, she’s also probably the dirtiest slut I’ve ever dated. And I say that with the utmost affection.

Her and I had nothing but raunchy sex. We’re equally perverted, so it was nothing but fun. She’s also still the only person I’ve ever fucked up the ass. It was surprisingly similar to vaginal sex. She REALLY liked it, so it was a regular part of our sexing activities. Yeah, it’s gonna be an interesting weekend, that’s for sure.

Saturday is going to be “date night.” She’s dropping her girl off with the grandmother and we’re gonna hit the big city and see what kind of adult trouble we can get into there. Knowing us, it will be the best kind.

There will be lots of sex, smoking weed and eating it, too. And I’m actually into the idea of playing house this weekend, kid and all. Maybe if I can experience what it’s like (even just for a couple of days), I’ll develop a taste for it all. Maybe.

Desire (makes me wanna...)

So hottt

Black Ego

I have this problem of just not thinking. I feel like some kind of fucking animal the way I just act/react without thinking things through first.

It started innocently enough on a cold, rainy Saturday morning in L.A. Log onto Youtube for a little music. A few tunes in, and I somehow stumbled across this one band I haven’t listened to in forever.

Many moons ago back when I still just another clueless college student trying not to flunk out, I listened to this band a LOT. Like, obsessively so. When they came to my college town, it was an epic night. It was also the night my long-time girlfriend came face to face with this girl I was completely infatuated with at the time. But that’s a whole other story entirely.

Anyway, I started playing videos from this band, and holy fuck did it take me back. Everything—the fashions, the beats, the hairstyles(!!!)—It all just screamed of a very particular era in my life, when it seemed like anything was possible. I remembered the way I felt about life back then, and all of the hopes/dreams I had pinned on my future.

I guess this is where I have to ask myself: “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, DOOD?!”

Story of my life. It’s all right there in front of me, but I somehow find new and innovative ways to completely fuck it all up.

All of these years later, listening to this music only reminds me of what could (and should) have been. It reminds me that the love of my entire life is married to another man and expecting her second child. It reminds me that I’m possibly lonelier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

Ah, whatever. I’m going to SF on Thursday for a nice, long weekend of working out the kinks. It’s a start, anyway…

Cocaine fuelled naked brawl

FEB 5, 2010

A man who struggled with his wife on his neighbour's lawn was sentenced to house arrest
By NEIL BOWEN

SARNIA, Ont. -- A Sarnia man who bruised his spouse from head to toe during a cocaine-fuelled evening that ended with the naked couple struggling on a neighbour's lawn was sentenced to house arrest in Sarnia court.

The 40-year-old man had previously pleaded guilty to assault causing bodily harm Oct. 1, 2007, but was also convicted of forcible confinement following a Superior Court trial.

A publication ban imposed to protect the spouse's identity prevents his identification.

The bruises on the woman's face, legs, back and arms were so severe she couldn't look at herself in a mirror, she told the court during a trial last November.

"He went ballistic on me," she said.

At one point during the four-hour confrontation, she hit him with a beer bottle, which left a bleeding gash on his head.

"He suffered very serious injuries," said defence lawyer David Stoesser, who argued the man was defending himself.

Justice John Desotti concluded the woman, who is about seven inches shorter and 25 pounds lighter than her husband, had too many bruises for him to claim self-defence.

The couple admitted using cocaine that evening. He also drank beer, but testified neither substance affected his actions.

The confrontation took place in several rooms of their Sarnia home, including the kitchen, where the couple faced each other holding knives. At another point they were in a jacuzzi together.

The confrontation began after the husband exchanged intimate photos of themselves with another couple. The man from the other couple wanted to come to their home.

The woman had become involved in sexual activity with the other man when the couple previously visited the Sarnia pair.

She asked for a divorce, which he rejected, along with her suggestion of an open marriage in which they could date others.

He suggested bringing other couples into the relationship.

The relationship was very rocky in the fall of 2007 because she was involved with other men and incommunicative, the man said during the November trial.

The husband's concern about her infidelity let to the confrontation, said Stoesser. It ended when she bolted naked from the home with her husband chasing her.

The neighbour testified he heard shouting and saw the couple, whom he vaguely knew, on his front lawn. The man had pinned her to the ground.

He told the neighbour everything was fine, but the neighbour called 911.

The woman got loose and darted into the house.

"She was shaking so bad she could hardly breathe," the neighbour testified.

The husband realizes the relationship is now finished, said Stoesser.

7 days

There are only 7 days left. 7 days until I get on an airplane and fly to San Francisco. I will be met at the airport by her. It will take about an hour to get back to her house in the woods.


It will be Thursday afternoon by then. I will be there until Sunday morning, when she will drop me off back at the airport to fly home.

In between days. That's where it's at.