Hot Hot Sex

Back in Jr high school, I knew this girl. Her biggest sexual fantasy was rough sex with David Bowie. This was back when we all thought he was gay.

"It gets me so hot to imagine that I'm the one girl that can turn him on like that," she would purr, turning ME on in the process. Another story.

I have a similar feeling towards Joan Jett. Back when I was around 13, I discovered her via my older brother's record collection. He used to have this set-up where he could steal dozens of albums for a local record store. He would grab just about anything. Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" ended up in the pile one day.

I guess I was just at that impressionable age, but FUCK ME was Joan Jett the sexiest woman I'd ever laid eyes on. All I wanted was a butch chick with that haircut and a leather jacket and studded...everything. Shit, that's STILL all I really want. I want to be the one guy that can turn Joan Jett on so much that she begs me to fuck her--hard.

I want to be the ONE man that gets to fuck Joan Jett. Like the guy that she would fly out on tour at a moment's notice because she wouldn't be able to really rock out unless I bang her from the back out behind the VIP port-a-potties. I would be her dirty dog-boy. Complete with a studded black leather collar. Sometimes, she'd drag me around the apartment on a leash when she's had a little too much tequila and gets extra-aggressive. Those would be my favorite nights.