Getting back to it...

Hey.

So...I guess I should do some explaining.

Initially, this was a place for me to, I don't know, express my most debauched fantasies or something. But I've decided to screw all of that and just get real.

I'm just a guy, like any other guy. Which, of course, means I've got all kinds of fucked-up issues to deal with, you know?

The one thing that really messes me up is my desires for really nasty sex, preferably with someone I don't know very well (or even better, someone that I don't really like--grudge-sex is hot sex!).

And don't get me wrong, I'm not just some sad loser that can't get a date. I even have a girlfriend, and she's pretty sweet. Therein, sadly, lies the rub. She's kind of too sweet to fuck.

I know there are a million girls that would throw up their hands in disgust at that last statement. There are just as many guys that would simply say "Dude--tell me about it."

I'm seriously starting to believe that monogamy is the most unnatural thing a guy can do. Well, something has to be at the root of this issue. I'll never understand why I'm unable to maintain a sexual tension with a woman after a certain period of time.

The same thing happened with my last girlfriend. Everything was all hot and heavy for about the first six months. After that, the law of diminishing returns kicked in big-time. And here I am again.

I was thinking about the best sex I've ever had. Almost without fail, it was with someone that I either didn't know very well, or we only did it a few times. The main exception would be my high school gf. We were able to keep things insanely hot well past the expiration date on our relationship. And honestly, the sex only got hotter the less we liked each other. By the end, we pretty much couldn't stand the sight of the other one. But man, the sex was downright nuclear.

So this is where the coke and porn come in. It helps provide me with fantasy material for the times when I am doing it with my gf, but how sad is that? Siiiiigh.

Can someone say "therapy"?

Compulsion v. Addiction

It's all about satiating the hunger. Well, isn't it? The need to indulge in cocaine, porn, weed, fast food—all of it boils down to a basic, childish need to be as nasty as I wanna be.

I'm no psychologist, but I'm sure being exposed to an abundance of porn at such a young age had a lot to do with it. My need for extreme stimulation was stoked at a very young age. The endless stacks of Playboy, Penthouse and every other mainstream skin rag imaginable in the basement of the house I grew up in had been thoroughly plundered. I knew on exactly which page girl I lusted after was bent in the particular pose that would always get me off. My imagination was staggering in scope. Daydreams of rows upon rows of women, of various ages, races and socio-economic standing (and in various stages of undress), all committed to making me happy. All day, every day.

Still, I'm afraid that until I can finally indulge some of these filthy fantasies, I won't be able to move beyond them.

Which is why I've turned to Craig's List. I posted the nastiest "Casual Encounter" listing possible, and actually got a few replies. So far it looks like I'll be hooking up with a deliciously chubby redhead that "loves the way you (I) talk about girls" and is eager to be trained in the art of being a brazen slut. But more than likely, she's all talk. Mos of them are, unfortunately...

Chick I wanna come home to...

We'd order in some Chinese food after work, do bongs hits until it arrived, and then leisurely fuck after dinner. Smoke more weed, and go to sleep. If it's a Friday night, toss in a couple of grams of coke, and maybe a dirty slut to use and abuse for our amusement. Yeah, that's the chick I wanna come home to...

My favorite drugs

Marijuana, cocaine, TV, fast food, pornography, alcohol, masturbation, exhibition, sleep...

A little weed...

I know I've been talking all about how much I love the blow, which is true. It's so much fun, especially when I'm watching internet porn.

But I'm also a very dedicated weed smoker. I love the good buds! So all of you 420 girls out there, take notice. I'll get you really, really stoned on great herb before, you know, the good stuff...

Compulsion

This is a compulsion. The deep, dark debauched sex fiend that lives inside of me is coming out more and more. Usually he comes out to play whenever I score a bag of cocaine and start doing lines by myself in the living room. After I get pretty high, it's not long before I'm scouring the free internet porn sites for good gangbang and bukkake clips.

My favorite little porn piggie of the moment is one Cody Lane. This is her looking so deliciously fuckable. The very definition of Dirty White Snow Bunny. Oh, to do a massive rail off one of her fat-ass tits... these are the things that my very dirty dreams are made of right now.

I'm hoping that by indulging these compulsions (hence this pile of bile that I'm calling a blog) I can maybe work through them and put them behind me. Finally.

I mean, I have spent a better portion of today blowing rails here in the aforementioned living room. But it was just one of those days. I had to release a little pressure, and I have yet to muster the courage to actually hook up with any of these skanks I find trolling Craig's List late at night. More about that nonsense later as well.

This is where I come to do bad things...

So let's do bad things together.