Saturday, May 10, 2008
Compulsion v. Addiction
It's all about satiating the hunger. Well, isn't it? The need to indulge in cocaine, porn, weed, fast food—all of it boils down to a basic, childish need to be as nasty as I wanna be.
I'm no psychologist, but I'm sure being exposed to an abundance of porn at such a young age had a lot to do with it. My need for extreme stimulation was stoked at a very young age. The endless stacks of Playboy, Penthouse and every other mainstream skin rag imaginable in the basement of the house I grew up in had been thoroughly plundered. I knew on exactly which page girl I lusted after was bent in the particular pose that would always get me off. My imagination was staggering in scope. Daydreams of rows upon rows of women, of various ages, races and socio-economic standing (and in various stages of undress), all committed to making me happy. All day, every day.
Still, I'm afraid that until I can finally indulge some of these filthy fantasies, I won't be able to move beyond them.
Which is why I've turned to Craig's List. I posted the nastiest "Casual Encounter" listing possible, and actually got a few replies. So far it looks like I'll be hooking up with a deliciously chubby redhead that "loves the way you (I) talk about girls" and is eager to be trained in the art of being a brazen slut. But more than likely, she's all talk. Mos of them are, unfortunately...