Even on the darkest night when empty promise means empty hand

I just cannot pull it together today.

I left all sorts of essentials behind when I went to work this morning, and had to leave the office to retrieve them. Because there’s no way I’m going through a full day of work without being able to blast my brain with sweet sweet muzik.

Right now it’s classic Duran Duran. The song is called “Lonely in Your Nightmare.”

I can remember a time when listening to this particular song made me feel so sophisticated. Between the swirly whirly synthesizers and nonsensical lyrics, I just knew that it all meant something very deep and cosmopolitan. It sounded like impossibly thin, beautiful people doing cocaine on a yacht docked in the south of France--basically the exact opposite of my life at the time.

I connected with an old “friend” on Facebook today. And yes, it’s a she.

She lives in my hometown, where I’m going to visit next month. On a lark, I sent her a pretty provocative email, saying how good she looked in her most recent photos and how much I’d like to spend some time when I got into town. I was feeling cavalier, what can I say?

It took her a couple of days to respond, so I was sure she’d been put off by the aggressive nature of my message. But then today I get a very sweet note from her saying that she’d love to see me, and to give her plenty of notice.

This particularly female, ironically enough, is of the larger variety. Tall, thick and with massive breasts that literally call out to me in the prettiest voices (they sound a lot like Linda Ronstadt in the mid-‘70s) to suck on them gently.

While this woman and I used to flirt wildly, we never hooked up. That is going to change when I see her next month. My penis is doing that weird pulsing thing it does when it knows it’s going to visit some uncharted territory. Hottt.

OK so now I want an Indian girl?

Driving to work this morning I looked over at the next car. Behind the wheel was an insanely hot Indian woman with dark chocolate skin. She kind of looked like a younger version of M.I.A. Simply gorgeous.

At the next light I smiled at her, and she gave me a sweet little smile back. It totally made my morning.

Thought:

Growing up, I was always “good.” Even in college, I could never fully embrace the moment. While my friends were fucking everything that moved, I was the nice guy that the girls would come crying to when one of said friends inevitably fucked them over.

There was that brief period when I was still kind of reeling from THE break-up when I did indulge in some wanton sex, but not nearly enough. I think I’m in the process of making up for lost time.

Is that so wrong?

I don't think so.

I saw a billboard today.

It was for Las Vegas vacations. In the picture a bunch of people are "partying." The caption reads: "Because one day you'll be dead."

Exactly.