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Be your own hero

I’m drunk. But that’s OK.

I went over to Wild Card’s place tonight.

We drank lots of wine and talked about music and relationships and sex and career and family and so much more.

We smoked a really potent joint made of some strain of OG Kush that’s fucking amazing. So stoned.

Of course I had to whip out the blow. She was shocked but dove right in and hovered up a line like nobody’s business.

But our connection is strictly business. Combined, the two of us could create intellectual properties that everyone would know about and people at your job would talk about online and even more people would buy t-shirts and coffee mugs commemorating said property. Her and I could do that.

I also think we could have mind-blowing, toe-curling sex together. She’s not there yet, and probably never will be. But that’s OK. I’m down to take the money and find myself some real freaky deaks to enjoy it with.

Thangs are about to get real interesting, peoples.

Like, really.

PS: I must have really laid it down last night. The ex that I plowed has been sending me text after text saying how she wants more more more. Let’s see, fuck a sexy lil 20-something six ways from sideways whenever I see fit?

Yeah, that works for me.

Wild card

I have no idea what’s going to happen tonight.

There is this girl. I’ve known her for a while. A friend of a friend that became a friend.

She’s pretty hot and likes to party. She invited me over to her place tonight for some wine and to catch up.

I said I would bring some party favors to go along with the wine, so I’m going to take some grass with me (and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s my mission to bring back the term “grass” when referring to marijuana) and I’ll bring a bit of blow just in case (cuz I know for a fact this babe loves her some Bolivian marching powder).

There have been times when I’ve wondered if she was hitting on me. Ah, who knows? I’m just in a highly sexualized state lately (are there times when you’re not? —Ed.) and everything feels like a subtle invitation to get naked and copulate.

If nothing else, I’ll get a major league buzz on tonight with a sexy lady that likes to get her party on. Happy Monday, motherfuckers.