Throwdown kinda bitch

Having a semi-delicious whiskey cocktail.

I’ve been sort of getting back into alcohol lately.

It started last weekend at a party in San Francisco. I got terrifically drunk for the first time in ages and it was fantastic.

So I went ahead and bought myself a pint of whiskey yesterday on my way home from work and before the concert.

When I drove to the concert I totally scored rock star parking on the street like a block away.

I sat in my car drinking whiskey, smoking weed and listening to music until I was good and lit up.

Then I went inside the concert. It was sold out. There were lots of young people being wanton and carefree, as there should be at these things.

I was pretty fucked up, just kind of wandering around and taking it all in.

(Excuse me while I smoke another bowl. I did a bunch of lines earlier and it helped me blaze through some laundry and fueled a satisfying wank to young miss Aaralyn Barra).

The concert was great. The band sounded hot and Slug was so solid on the mic and I stood in close proximity to so many fine-ass bitches. Like crazy stripper-looking bitches.

Slug has a big problem with cocaine. He tells kids not to do it onstage and in the liner notes of his records. I think this is a very good thing. Those little fuckers really listen to dude.

Me, I’m still having my moment with the powder. It works for me. I enjoy it. What can I say?

I’m going out of town for real next week. Friday through Monday. It should be interesting to say the least.

I wonder what will happen when I actually see the fat girl. It probably depends on how fucked up I/we get. It would be nice to lick on those massive tits though. I bet her nipples are just stellar. And I have a feeling those babies are in dire need of some undivided attention.

Roger that

Look, you can lick my asshole all day. Shove your tongue deep in my sphincter and toss that salad like you work at the Olive Garden. I’ll love every minute of it.

But know that my asshole will be squeaky clean. It will smell faintly of soap, if anything other than washed skin. Because I am not down with anything scat. It’s just nasty. We are the clean people. CleanCleanClean. Everything smells nice and feels supple. That’s just how we roll. Pussy juice? You betcha. Sperm? All day baby. Believe that.

Otherwise, we keep it so fresh and so clean. No STDs of any kind, ever. And we’re keeping it that way. Join our club, sexy.

I am the perfect amount of drunk right now. I had what, four cocktails? And not just any garden variety, industry standard jack and coke bullshit. I’m talking about the finest fucking cocktails Los Angeles has to offer. You don’t even know, mother fucker.

OK, shit. It’s late, I’m drunk and there’s a TV commercial for Absolut vodka that uses a faithful cover of New Order’s “Ceremony” as the music. I love that song so much. The original, anyway. Do I feel all self-righteous and superior to the cover version in the commercial? Nah. It reminds me of how awesome the original is, and I’m gonna dial it up in my iTunes right now. Mission accomplished.

You need to listen to Digable Planets. The album is called “Blowout Comb.” It’s on my list of the 50 greatest albums ever recorded. They talk about “Creamy Spies.” Creamy spies are real, OK? They just are.

My friend wants to start a porn star fantasy camp. I think it’s a great idea. I already know the girls I’d recruit for it: Julie Night, Hillary Scott, Vanessa Lan, Tera Lynn Fox, Lisa Sparxxx, Aaralyn Barra, Julia Bond, Lisa Marie, Whitney Stevens, Whitney’s sister Britney Stevens and Missy Monroe are just some of the first slatterns I would contact to be a part of it.

And being one of the event organizers, I’d be able to do all sorts of disgusting things with these professional whores, which is the whole point. Suck it, bitch. That’s right, take the whole thing down your throat and just hold it there while tears run down your face. Lick my balls while you’re at it, whore. Yeah, like that.

My perfect girl? Today, Amanda Blank. She’s sweet, tender and knows how to get nasty when it’s time to get nasty. And that long, lean body with the fat pussy and bubble booty? On a white girl? I’d marry that girl tomorrow, treat her like the queen she is and fuck her like the whore she knows how to be.

Even though it’s after midnight, I said fuck it and did a bump of coke. Life is short. Blow me. No, really. Blow me.

tonight's cum shot: Courtesy of Aaralyn Barra

Tonight it was easy. I just went to Aaralyn Barra's scene in "Interracial Booty Patrol Vol Two." She is just so fucking hot and nasty. She's one of those girls that seems to really love being fucked really hard, hair pulled, cummed on, the whole nine. I just read an interview where she talked about having black dudes cum in a cup of coffee and then drinking it. How can I not love a slut like THAT?

But yeah, in the scene she's on a boat with two big-dicked black dudes (one of which is Shane Diesel) and they basically bang the crap outta her. She sucks some serious cock as well. They both cum on her face. Top quality scene. I shot a thick load while the darker-skinned dude was plowing her doggystyle. Her ass jiggles so sweetly. I could probably squeeze out another load in a few, but I'm going to take it easy tonight.