COCAINE PARTY ON DISCO MOUNTAIN*

Only for the sexxxy people. Clothing optional, swinging encouraged! Play safe and have fun, kids.

I just did a line of cocaine for the first time in what feels like forever

The first one didn't seem to faze me. I waited a few minutes and did another one. That was about five minutes ago. Right now I feel very warm and tingly and my heart is beating really fast. I can feel blood rushing towards my groin.

come here little girl...

I want to kidnap and rape a rave chick. She'd be over 18 of course, and totally complicit in this filth, so take it easy, puritan.

I want to grab one of these little half-dressed sluts that strut around these parties with their titties and bellies and pussies and asses all hanging out and knock them out with whatever chemical it is you use to knock people out with. I'd pretend like she was fucked up from too many drugs and that I was their friend just helping them out.

I would put her in the back seat and drive her to my apartment, where I would handcuff her to the pipes under my bathroom sink.

And then ladies and gentlemen, the real fun would begin. I'd make it comfy for her by blasting techno mixtapes and keeping her high on E, blow, weed, booze, whatever. And then the initiation would begin.

*Something new to try: my new thing is finding a girl that will let me bust a nut directly into her nose. I want to shove the tip of my cock right into a nostril and fucking let 'er rip. In a perfect world she'd catch it in her throat and spit it out onto her hand before sucking it down her throat.

Parallel Lines

Robert Louis Stevenson

Wrote Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde in six days and nights on a cocaine binge. "That an invalid in my husband's condition of health should have been able to perform the manual labour alone of putting 60,000 words on paper in six days, seems almost incredible," said his astonished wife, Fanny.

My quest for better blow

I live in Los Angeles. I should be able to find that high-quality Hollywood Paris Hilton Britney Spears-grade cocaine.

Granted, I don’t hang out with that Sunset Strip douche bag crowd or anything. But cocaine is ultimately more about money that prestige. I just need to find my way next to one of these characters that deal the stuff.

No disrespect to either of my current coke-slingers, but it’s time to step it up a little.

It’s kind of like when I first started smoking pot. For a while, as long as it was marijuana, I was good. But then I needed to smoke better and better weed. Now I’m pissed if it’s anything less than Sour Diesel or OG Kush.

OK Los Angeles, where’s the stash? Who’s going to be the one to show me the way to snort like the stars?

I’m waiting.

Fuck you, Uncle Sam. Now pay me.

The U.S. government is fucking me. And not in the good way.

It kind of figures. For the first time in my life, I got my act together and went to an accountant. A really good accountant.

He showed me a myriad of things I could write off, and when all was said and done my refund was the largest it’s ever been. By a country mile. I’ve never gotten back thousands of dollars before. 2009 was gonna rock, baby!

And then, the fuckers must’ve just decided that I wasn’t worth that much money. They probably got wind of the fact that I’m just out here coasting through life and did not earn the right to get back so much of my hard-earned dough that I involuntarily send to their diamond toilet and gold-plated yacht fund every year.

I had to go so far as to file a claim with the U.S. government to either track down the original check (which some online robot swears was mailed out) or eventually send me a replacement check.

Of course, the paltry little California state return came back with a quickness. Bah! Sure, you owed my that chunk of change, and I’m glad you were man enough to pay it, Mr. California. But can you please say something to yer boy America? There’s a kilo of cocaine, a gross of condoms and a week fucking as many dirty hookers as (in)humanly possible in Amsterdam between raiding coffee shops for their supplies of Sour Diesel buds in my future whenever they gimme my $$$$. That shit is gonna be epic.

Sour Diesel

As I was marveling at the extra cocaine my man slipped my tonight, I forgot to mention the weed. Dude got his hands on the almighty Sour Diesel, my favorite strain of the countless strains I've sampled over the years. If you ever find yourself within the vicinity of someone puffing on the Sour D, do yourself a favor and hit that deliciousness.

Speaking of cocaine…

I’m re-upping my supply tonight, and this time from my regular dealer. He’s been MIA lately, so I had to resort to my back-up dealer, which has been a hassle. This one is further away, charges $15 more per gram, and his stuff is a little too tweaked-out for my tastes.

But my primary dealer finally got back to me, and we’re connecting tonight. I usually just get a gram at a time, but as he’s going out of town until next week (and I have a potential coke slut on the line for this weekend), I’m going to double up. We haven’t moved up to 8-ball territory—yet.

I’ll also be sure to grab an eighth of weed while I’m there. He’s always got some nice buds on hand. Goooood times.

Trolling for drug buddies and coke sluts

I’m on a quest to locate at least one (preferably more!) seriously down and dirty coke slut to party with. You know the type—the chicks that are eager to get naked, snort up lines of blow and fuck.

This is L.A. so I would imagine there are plenty of these fuck-toys running around town. I’ve connected with a couple of potential coke whores on Craig’s List. Even better, there’s a chick I used to work with that I know is a coke fiend that just hit me up out of the blue lately. She’s a hot Asian babe(!) that I’ve made out with a couple of times. The last time we made out (at a bar), she let me know in very frank terms: whenever I wanted to hook up, she was down for it.

Her only stipulation being that we both be single at the same time. Well, guess what? We’re both single at the same time. I have a feeling that she caught wind of my relationship status, which is why she’s hitting me up now.

We’re planning on getting together this weekend and just “hanging out.” We’ll see what happens, but I have a very good feeling about this one—especially between my legs.

Fun fact: While I’ve messed around with a few Asian babes, I’ve never had the pleasure of a full-on fuck session. Wish me luck.