Chunky but funky: Kelly Clarkson

People be giving ol' girl a hard time for going back to her pre-pop star ways and rocking the late-nite drive-thrus like they're going out of style.

Yup, the Kellster is packing on the pounds like crazy these days, but some of us ain't mad at her for it.

She's not exactly my dreem gurl or anything, but lordy lord would I ever get all up in that double-wide fat XXL ass. You know she could take a serious pounding and come back for more.

Have a Bacon Double-Cheeseburger on me, baby. There are plenty of dudes that would be eager to churn your yummy voluptuousness like butter.

How it goes down in the city

Yes, this is really happening.

The extra mile, featuring Tara Lynn Foxx

Kansas City nipple

A girl at Baja Fresh made my dick hard

She was Mexican.

Kind of skinny, but with more than enough juice in her breasts.

I was picking up when she walked over to the register. She said something under her breath to the other Mexican woman ringing me up and smiled. She had bright shiny metal braces.

She kind of cut her eyes at me so I smiled at her real big. She had a tiny gold stud in her right nostril. She smiled back. That's when I saw it. In her eyes. That certain glint that says take me out get me drunk high stoned and let's not really think about anything at all. It only gets in the way. The glint that sent blood rushing to my penis, which began swelling in my Timberland shorts.

She had on red lipstick with black liner around the edges. Her dyed red hair was in a bun.

Her and the other woman both smiled at me. Another one at the other side of the counter stopped to watch this strange mating ritual happening in front of her.

I can't wait to go back to Baja Fresh.

Sebastien Tellier, "Kilometer"

Just another day at my Malibu dream house...

Flaming youth